Metro Supermarket Irresistible Artisan apple pie

If you guys are not reading the Facebook accounts of grocery stores, you really need to consider starting. One woman posted a comment saying that Metro was advertising 3 Lindt chocolate bars for $5, but when she went to her local Metro store, she was told they did not stock Lindt chocolate bars. Her closing statement was: "Can anybody tell me how I can get three chocolate bars for five dollars?!"

Canada's Potato Heartland - Results

I've put off confronting this for long enough. The time has finally come to offer some commentary on this highly disappointing poll.

So, I guess by now you are all aware that Taber edged out PEI with a total of 55% of the votes. PEI received 42%, and the University of Guelph received an embarrassing 1%.

I guess that one thing we can learn from this experiment is that the uneducated masses of the internet are frequently, if not always, wrong and that internet polls are not an accurate method for determining where Canada's potato heartland is. We know internet polls are not reliable because PEI is unquestionably Canada's potato heartland.

Sorry for wasting your time, everyone!

Canada's Potato Heartland: Poll

Everyone, it is of the utmost importance that you participate in this online poll to determine which of the following three places is considered to be Canada's Potato Heartland. The poll will close on April 1, so make your voices heard -- before it's too late!

Which of the following is the Potato Heartland of Canada?

Food Thoughtz Restaurant Review: Playa Cabana - Hacienda (3)

The support is rolling it! Keep it coming, valued readers!

It's especially funny because why would anyone ever visit Toronto, let alone plan a visit there?

Food Thoughtz Restaurant Review: Playa Cabana - Hacienda (2)

I am still so enraged about this experience.

SallyBot Speaks the Truth

Courtesy of SallyBot.

"What Would I Say" is one of my favourite things on the internet. Except for maybe this picture of me as Aladdin on a magic carpet made of buttered bread.

Saladdin. ("Prince Sali" is probably more appropriate at this point.)

NB: This bread picture came from a "recipe" for cinnamon toast. I didn't bother to read the recipe, but surely it only consisted of "put cinnamon-sugar on buttered bread." There is nothing else to that "recipe." But also, don't you melt the butter on the bread, not just spread it? Maybe I should consult that recipe...

Dear Food Thoughtz: Hotdog Sushi

A not-so-special Dear Food Thoughtz which isn't really even a Dear Food Thoughtz at all, but the pickings are so slim these days, that I'll take whatever I can get.

Dear Instagram User That I Know In Real Life,

Thank you for tagging me in this Instagram picture. Although I have already alerted you to my thoughtz on this food, let me reiterate here that I think this is wrong and an abomination. I am not even sure if it's a real thing or if you just made it up because a hotdog, some pastrami, pickles, mustard, and cream cheese were literally the only five things you had in your house tonight. I will say that with the exception of the mustard, pickles, and cream cheese, this looks like it might be an improvement on traditional sushi—which, as I have previously discussed, is truly disgusting and awful.

That said, I applaud your resourcefulness. It is often said that the only path to success is one riddled with failure, and while I don't personally live by that ethos, I nevertheless approve of your commitment to culinary failures with the promise of potential success in the future. Bizarrely, if the rumour mill of Grand Forks is to be believed, you are already a wildly successful Vancouver chef, so forgive me if I am confused as to why you're wasting your time with this mustard-meat-tube when you could be devoting yourself entirely to Baked Alaskans (one of your own is pictured below) and apple pies.

Did everyone else know that this is what a Baked Alaskan
is? I had always assumed you just put a whole cod in
the oven for a few hours. #themoreyouknow.

I would also like to point out that despite multiple pleas for pie-mail, I have yet to receive a single pie in the mail. Consider this a strong hint that you should mail me a pie. (You can tell it's a strong hint because I've put the text in bold.)

In Defense of Close Reading

I will be the first to acknowledge that I had my issues with this story, but at least I made it all the way to the end.

 Here's a tip for any of you who struggled to get all the way through this admittedly dense text: that weird shaggy dog wearing a hat ends up eating the green eggs and ham (pictured here as representative of Monsanto and GMOs) and is glad that he did.  I am not sure this is the best medium for the message.

Addendum: 

Seriously, people should really read this thing all the way through.

Food Tweetz

@GreenGiant No.

— Food Thoughtz (@foodthoughtz) January 30, 2014

@foodthoughtz is trending

@foodthoughtz You'll have to see an agent in the airport for this. Love you too! /dp
— Air Canada (@AirCanada) January 8, 2014