Dear Food Thoughtz,
I, like you, ponder deeply when considering my food choices, and I appreciate your awareness of and respect for your particular culinary aversions. You see, years of study and many more years of personal experience have led me to believe that your own body knows which fuel it requires at any given time. So rejoice in your ravenous appetite for Ramen; let a slippery slink of spaghetti slide between saucy lips, if you so desire.
Inexplicably, my body so craves those foods which have the unavoidable side effect of coming out the same colour they went in. If you know what I mean. Beets, asparagus, spinach - you name it, I want it. Should I trust my appetite and dig in? Or is this the type or inner body turmoil that I should avoid at all costs?
Yours,
Confused Craving Crusader
Dear Confused Craving Crusader,
First of all, a little known fact about me is that I actually used to really like beets. I don't anymore. It's impossible to know what changed, but I do still like to look at them from afar. I think I might like to see them in a hyper-realistic still-life painting.
That said, a lot of what I try to communicate here at Food Thoughtz is the importance of trusting your own appetite, rather than pandering to preachings of others. But your food choices are disgusting and obviously in conflict with mine, so while I encourage you to eat what makes you happy, you should do it quietly and not around me.
I will say this, however: It has always been my understanding that if the purpose of eating is to extract nutrients from food, the food that goes into your body and the waste that comes out of it should be somehow markedly different. The process of extracting all that is useful from those foods should fundamentally change them into an unrecognizable mass/stream of waste. I will be the first to admit that I know absolutely nothing about biology (with the exception of a story I wrote in gr. 11 biology that tracked Megan M's transition from a piece of food into diarrhea as she made her way through a human body), but it seems to me that something that should be happening in your body is not happening if food is coming out more or less the same way it went in. Everyone seems to agree that spinach, asparagus, and beets are all "good for you," but what if the reason that the resulting waste so closely resembles the original food item is because your body is trying to tell you to stop putting that inside of yourself?
I'm also a bit confused about your desire to poop the rainbow. I mean, I suppose it's a noble quest, but also so fleeting. I guess this is one of those "it's the journey; not the destination" type things, but do you plan to document each poop? And then stitch the photos together into a pride flag? Are you coming to Toronto for World Pride? Please let me know. I don't really want to see your multi-coloured poops, but it would be nice to see you.
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