21 October 2012

The Tomato

Tomatoes on the brain.
In grade 12 English I was given a one page creative assignment in which I had to describe the most important experience of my life; something that made me who I am today (or was, on that day). I wrote about getting my period and was immediately withdrawn from the class and placed in a remedial English program.* In hindsight, my regret is not that I chose to write about my period, but that I didn’t write about the time I stood up to my mum and refused to eat a fresh tomato.

My eating habits have, on and off, been a point of contention between me and my mother. Sometimes she seemed to accept that I just would not eat certain (read: nearly all) foods, but other times she would attempt to force me to broaden my culinary horizons. The latter almost always proved disastrous for both of us (see the posts on salmon pie and squash, which are surely to come in the near future). By the time I reached high school, I thought we were beyond playing this game, but then one day she placed a plate of sliced up tomato and cucumber in front of me and expected me to eat it. I refused, and she insisted. After several minutes had passed, I agreed to try a slice of cucumber. I immediately regretted my weak nature and was horrified by the taste. I said I would eat no more. She said I just had to try a slice of tomato and then it would all be over; I didn’t have to clean my plate, just try one slice of tomato.

But I wouldn’t, and I honestly can’t understand who would. Is there anything more hellish than a tomato? The cross-section of a tomato is horrifying and thinking of biting down on that soft red flesh makes me shiver. It is so moist that it can’t even hold its shape. The seeds slip out of the body of the tomato, and yet are still held there--trapped in the thick, gummy liquid--and the branches of tomato flesh collapse onto themselves. The tomato has a sort of synesthesic quality, in which just looking at it translates into  terrible taste in my mouth. I don’t need to try a tomato to know that I hate it and I can’t imagine what form of hell would have awaited me if I had backed down and second time and placed that slice of tomato on my tongue.

That was the day that I said no, not only to my mother, but to tomatoes. There comes a point in every person’s life when they realise that they are in control of themselves and that they--and they alone--determine their own destiny. And so it wasn’t when I got my period that I grew up, became a woman, and took charge of my own life; it’s when I rejected the tomato and realised that I have the power to determine my own menu.

But I will tell you one thing: I kind of like the idea of tomatoes growing. When tomato plants start to flower and tomatoes start to grow, I feel like summer has really arrived. I have harvested them several times throughout my life, and there is something quite satisfying about plucking a ripe tomato off of the vine. It makes me feel like I should be in one of those "Good Things Grow in Ontario" commercials.


*For the record, the remedial English program at GFSS is infinitely better than regular English classes. Especially when your English teacher happens to be a Vespa bitch. I had to read Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, which is a lot better than watching Josh Groban videos on loop. Just sayin’.


Allow me to show you a horrifying tableau:
A white plate presenting a sliced up tomato.
Sliced into nine to represent Dante’s circles of Hell
And to eat of it is to become one of Satan’s new clientele.

Circle One is Limbo, for those not baptized when they were alive,
The ones who ate a tomato just merely to survive.
And these unfortunate souls we must no further chastise.

Circle Two is for Lust, that overwhelming passion,
Those who devoured the tomato in an unseemly fashion.
And for these revolting sinners we must show no compassion.

Circle Three for the glutton, who ate all the tomatoes without restraint.
For their service to mankind, let us canonize them a saint.
And for these filthy creatures I have no complaint.

Circle Four for the greedy, hoarding tomatoes like treasure.
Leaving none for the rest, but to eat at their leisure.
And I regard these misguided souls with nothing but pleasure.

Circle Five for the angry, but should they be blamed?
I’m angry, too, to live in a world where the tomato is acclaimed.
They have a right to be angry, but no right to be devoured by flame. 



Circle Six for the heretic who claimed that tomatoes are good,
Who would have you eat tomatoes if only they could.
Let them burn in hell, for burn in Hell they should.

Circle Seven is for the violent, who would have you eat a tomato by force
Who ignore all your No’s until your voice becomes hoarse.
For this assault on your freedom, the punishment we must steadily enforce.

Circle Eight is reserved for those who told you a lie,
Trying to slip a tomato past your eagle-eye.
And for those awaits endless torture after they die.

Circle Nine is for the traitors you trusted the most,
Who present you a tomato as if it were toast,
And whose betrayal has bought them an endless roast.

So take a lesson from Dante and avoid the tomato
After all, this isn’t Ireland--there’s always the potato.

4 comments:

  1. TRUE LIFE TESTIMONY

    HOW I GOT RID OF MY 5 YEARS GENITAL HERPES ,GOD IS AWESOME! THIS IS REAL,PLEASE DON'T IGNORE I caught genital herpes from my Ex Husband in 2012,he never told me about the virus. I had it for 5 years with so many outbreak,and it affected my life.. People think herpes is really a minor skin irritation herpes has a long term effects on health. The stigma attached to this virus by ignorant people is ridiculous. Most people have herpes in one form or another,i was first taking Antiviral medicines, such as acyclovir(Zovirax), famciclovir (Famvir), and valacyclovir (Valtrex), are recommended for treating primary genital herpes outbreaks. This medicine can be taken when an outbreak occurs. It can also be taken every day to help prevent outbreaks,it is not a total cure... I will like to tell everyone who is reading this my testimony on how i get rid of my genital herpes.I was reading a comment on the internet,and i saw a testimony posted by a young lady from USA that she got rid of her herpes with the help of Dr Ehizele,a Traditional Herbalist.So i was so happy when i saw that post,that his herbal medication Cure the virus totally.I quickly copied the herbal doctor email address and i email him within 30 minutes he respond to my mail.I explain things to him he told me not to worry that i should fill his herbal form which i did..The next day he told me that he has prepare the herbal medicine,that i should send him my address that he want to sent his HERBAL MEDICINE to me via DHL or FedEx that was how i got the herbal medication and i use it as i was instructed.After a week i went to see a Medical Doctor who confirmed my herpes was no more.When some of my friend who has herpes saw me they were surprise and i also introduce them to the man and they are also cure from the same Genital herpes today.I also refer my cousin to the same herbalist who was having HIV and today she is fully cure...If you have Genital or Oral herpes or any kind of Diseases or infections,kindly contact HERBALIST EHIZELE via this email: drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution@gmail.com or whattsapp him +2347063715104. https://drehizeleosemegbe.weebly.com/ https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com


    He also have a herbal cure for Following DISEASES.




    (1) HERPES,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) HEPATITIS B,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA...
    {10} CHRONIC FATIGUE
    11] LUPUS

    Contact him today and you will have a testimony..I GOT CURED OF 5 YEARS GENITAL HERPES BY DR EHIZELE,CONTACT HIM FOR HELP TODAY...
    WEBSITE; https://
    https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com/ EMAIL: drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution@gmail.com GOD IS TRULY GREAT.

    GOOD LUCK

    https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com

    https://drehizeleosemegbe.weebly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  2. TRUE LIFE TESTIMONY

    HOW I GOT RID OF MY 5 YEARS GENITAL HERPES ,GOD IS AWESOME! THIS IS REAL,PLEASE DON'T IGNORE I caught genital herpes from my Ex Husband in 2012,he never told me about the virus. I had it for 5 years with so many outbreak,and it affected my life.. People think herpes is really a minor skin irritation herpes has a long term effects on health. The stigma attached to this virus by ignorant people is ridiculous. Most people have herpes in one form or another,i was first taking Antiviral medicines, such as acyclovir(Zovirax), famciclovir (Famvir), and valacyclovir (Valtrex), are recommended for treating primary genital herpes outbreaks. This medicine can be taken when an outbreak occurs. It can also be taken every day to help prevent outbreaks,it is not a total cure... I will like to tell everyone who is reading this my testimony on how i get rid of my genital herpes.I was reading a comment on the internet,and i saw a testimony posted by a young lady from USA that she got rid of her herpes with the help of Dr Ehizele,a Traditional Herbalist.So i was so happy when i saw that post,that his herbal medication Cure the virus totally.I quickly copied the herbal doctor email address and i email him within 30 minutes he respond to my mail.I explain things to him he told me not to worry that i should fill his herbal form which i did..The next day he told me that he has prepare the herbal medicine,that i should send him my address that he want to sent his HERBAL MEDICINE to me via DHL or FedEx that was how i got the herbal medication and i use it as i was instructed.After a week i went to see a Medical Doctor who confirmed my herpes was no more.When some of my friend who has herpes saw me they were surprise and i also introduce them to the man and they are also cure from the same Genital herpes today.I also refer my cousin to the same herbalist who was having HIV and today she is fully cure...If you have Genital or Oral herpes or any kind of Diseases or infections,kindly contact HERBALIST EHIZELE via this email: drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution@gmail.com https://drehizeleosemegbe.weebly.com/ https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com


    He also have a herbal cure for Following DISEASES.




    (1) HERPES,
    (2) DIABETES,
    (3) HIV&AIDS,
    (4) URINARY TRACT INFECTION,
    (5) HEPATITIS B,
    (6) IMPOTENCE,
    (7) BARENESS/INFERTILITY
    (8) DIARRHEA
    (9) ASTHMA...
    {10} CHRONIC FATIGUE
    11] LUPUS

    Contact him today and you will have a testimony..I GOT CURED OF 5 YEARS GENITAL HERPES BY DR EHIZELE,CONTACT HIM FOR HELP TODAY...
    WEBSITE; https://
    https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com/ EMAIL; drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution@gmail.com GOD IS TRULY GREAT.

    GOOD LUCK

    https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com

    https://drehizeleosemegbe.weebly.com/

    ReplyDelete
  3. After being in relationship with markiss for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email: drosemudiamenspellhome@gmail.com you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything. I CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS: drosemudiamenspellhome@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEM.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I never believed i would be healed someday. This disease started circulate all over my body and i have been taking treatment from my doctor, few weeks ago i came on search on the internet if i could get any information concerning the prevention of this disease, on my search i saw a testimony of someone who has been healed from (Hepatitis B and Cancer) by this Man Dr Ehizele and she also gave the website address of this man and advise we should contact him for any sickness that he would be of help, so i wrote to Dr Ehizele telling him about my (HERPES Virus) he told me not to worry that i was going to be cured!! i never believed it,, well after all the procedures and remedy given to me by this man few weeks later i started experiencing changes all over me as the Dr Ehizele assured me that i have cured,after some time i went to my Doctor to confirm if i have be finally healed behold it was TRUE, So friends my advise is if you have such sickness or any other ailments please contact him. drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution@gmail.com or website: https://drehizeleherbalhomeofsolution.wordpress.com or https:///drehizeleosemegbe.weebly.com

    ReplyDelete